An Unwanted Marriage
As violence against women continues, forced marriages continue to rob women of their dreams and aspirations. In a Labour Party conference, UK home secretary John Reid promised to look into this heinous crime despite a ruling in June 2006 that the practice should not be outlawed. A tradition that has thrived for centuries, a forced marriage is generally defined as a marriage between two parties, at least one of which is coerced into the marriage against his or her will. In many cases, emotional and physical pressure is used to break the victim's resistance. To set the record straight, it should be clarified that there is a huge difference between a forced marriage and an arranged marriage. In the latter, the parties concerned reserve the right to refuse the marriage at any time.
I decided to speak to "Rabia" (a pseudonym), a 20-year-old recent victim of a forced marriage after coming across the story of Marie Antoinette and her forced married to Louis XVI. Rabia spoke of her disillusionment and her willingness to "end it all" after being forced to travel to Pakistan and marry against her will.
"I wanted to finish university, but my dad refused and took me back to my hometown to get married to an illiterate village idiot. My mum was silent, as she feared making things worse for both of us. I now hate her more than my father because if she had any humanity, she would have put her child's welfare first!"
"I absolutely detest my family. I have friends who wear hijab and they have had lovely arranged marriages, whilst in the twenty-first century, with the world at my feet, I end up marrying a goatherd."
"This hypocrisy is common in our so-called respectable families," she muttered under her breath. "The concept of a wonderful westernized life is a complete sham, as I have just proven. I am at present caught between a rock and a hard place and I am seriously going to report my parents to the police. I have considered suicide, but recently I found solace in my religion. I am more devout and I intend to ensure that no one has to suffer like me."
The fragile Rabia seemed to have aged 10 years. Her gaunt expression and lifeless eyes spoke volumes of the demons that are ravaging her through the most difficult period of her life.
Motives
A UN Population Fund report in 2005 described the welfare of Turkish rape victims forced to marry their attacker or be killed as a result of loss of family honor.
The UN report, which is based on interviews with more than 250 people in Istanbul and other cities with large Kurdish populations, detailed several such cases. Included was the story of a young girl with mental health problems who had been raped. To avoid family embarrassment, her brothers offered to pay costs involved if the rapist married their sister. However, they changed their mind and shot the perpetrator, then threw their sister into a stream and deserted her. The girl survived her ordeal and is now with support agencies, yet her family is hell-bent on finding and killing her, according to the report.
Muslim Women's Helpline in U K
0800 032 7587 (toll-free number)
The Forced Marriage Unit 020 7008 0151
Apna Ghar (soon to be known as Aanchal), Newham
24-hour helpline 0845 4512547
The Forced Marriage Unit 020 7008 0151
Apna Ghar (soon to be known as Aanchal), Newham
24-hour helpline 0845 4512547
(Asian languages supported) do they indicate WHICH languages? )
Ashiana Project, London
020 8539 0427
Ashiana Project, Sheffield
0114 255 5740
Hemat Gryffe Women's Aid, Glasgow
0141 353 0859
Newham Asian Women's Project, London
0208 472 0528
Roshni (Nottingham Asian Women's Aid)
24-hour helpline 0115 948 3450
Karma Nirvana Asian Women's Project
01332
24-hour helpline
604098 (including support on weekends)
Ashiana Project, London
020 8539 0427
Ashiana Project, Sheffield
0114 255 5740
Hemat Gryffe Women's Aid, Glasgow
0141 353 0859
Newham Asian Women's Project, London
0208 472 0528
Roshni (Nottingham Asian Women's Aid)
24-hour helpline 0115 948 3450
Karma Nirvana Asian Women's Project
01332
24-hour helpline
604098 (including support on weekends)
Forced marriage is primarily an issue of violence against women. Whereas most cases involve young women and girls aged between 13 and 30 years, evidence suggests that as many as 15 percent of victims are male. While it is important to have an understanding of the motives that drive parents to force their children to marry, these motives should not be accepted as justification for denying them the right to choose a marriage partner. Forced marriage should be recognized as a form of abuse which typically involves criminal offenses.
To tackle this problem, the UK Foreign & Commonwealth Office and the police have identified some key objectives involved in the process of a marriage taking place through force:
•Being subject to peer group or family pressure
•Attempting to strengthen family ties
•Ensuring land remains within the family
•Protecting perceived cultural ideals, which can often be misguided or out of date
•Protecting perceived religious ideals
•Preventing "unsuitable" relationships, for example, outside the ethnic, cultural, religious, or caste group
•Assisting claims for residence and citizenship
•Respecting family honor
•Adhering to long-standing family commitments
Services
Najma Ebrahim is the coordinator of the Muslim Women's Helpline (MWH). She is one of the founding contributors, and her team consists of three other advisors. All contributors are involved in part-paid and part-voluntary capacities. Najma offered valuable insight into the workings of the project she has been involved with for seven years.
"We offer emotional support to individuals that are or are likely to be victims," she said.
"I do believe the matter has been expectedly blown out of proportion since the mainstream media has become involved. The negative stereotypical depiction of a whole creed or race never works and thus alienates individuals and communities, often encouraging them to become cocooned in mentality. This is detrimental to the efforts of MWH, as transparency and honesty are integral qualities that we seek in our line of work."
Najma feels that parents need to be educated via a program of education, awareness, and a thorough outreach program. "Alienating parents will not help, and prevention is better than cure." Najma is calling on the government to support outreach programs to enable organizations like the MWH to offer the necessary tools of encouragement to parents and their children.
The MWH is in a very poor financial situation, and Najma hopes that funders can provide the appropriate financial assistance that is required to keep this benevolent service afloat.
The UK Foreign & Commonwealth Office is committed to dealing with and tackling forced marriages. The staff at the consular offer advice and support in confidence. Members of the public can also telephone for support, advice, and assistance if they are aware of anyone being forced into marriage.
[O you who believe! It is not lawful for you that you should take women as heritage against (their) will, and do not straiten them in order that you may take part of what you have given them, unless they are guilty of manifest indecency, and treat them kindly.) (An-Nisaa' 4:19)
"We offer emotional support to individuals that are or are likely to be victims," she said.
"I do believe the matter has been expectedly blown out of proportion since the mainstream media has become involved. The negative stereotypical depiction of a whole creed or race never works and thus alienates individuals and communities, often encouraging them to become cocooned in mentality. This is detrimental to the efforts of MWH, as transparency and honesty are integral qualities that we seek in our line of work."
Najma feels that parents need to be educated via a program of education, awareness, and a thorough outreach program. "Alienating parents will not help, and prevention is better than cure." Najma is calling on the government to support outreach programs to enable organizations like the MWH to offer the necessary tools of encouragement to parents and their children.
The MWH is in a very poor financial situation, and Najma hopes that funders can provide the appropriate financial assistance that is required to keep this benevolent service afloat.
The UK Foreign & Commonwealth Office is committed to dealing with and tackling forced marriages. The staff at the consular offer advice and support in confidence. Members of the public can also telephone for support, advice, and assistance if they are aware of anyone being forced into marriage.
[O you who believe! It is not lawful for you that you should take women as heritage against (their) will, and do not straiten them in order that you may take part of what you have given them, unless they are guilty of manifest indecency, and treat them kindly.) (An-Nisaa' 4:19)
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{ Views expressed by writer and are their own property }
Muhammed Shariq Khan Lucknow, INDIA
