True Emancipator of Women

Islam: The True Emancipator of Women
By Mary C. Ali and Anjum Ali

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The Qur'an and the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) are the sources from which every Muslim woman derives her rights and duties.Today people think that women are liberated in the West and that the women's liberation movement began in the twentieth century. Actually, the women's liberation movement was not begun by women; it was revealed by Allah to the Prophet in the seventh century.

(Since men and women both came from the
same essence, they are equal in their humanity.)

Human Rights
Islam, more than fourteen centuries ago, made women equally accountable to Almighty Allah in glorifying and worshipping Him, setting no limits on her moral progress. Also, Islam established women's equality — in their humanity — with men. In the Qur'an, in the first verse of Surat An-Nisaa' (Women), Allah says,

[O humankind, be careful of your duty to your Lord Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them both has spread abroad a multitude of men and women. Be careful of your duty toward Allah in Whom you claim (your rights) of one another and toward the wombs (that bore you). Lo, Allah has been a Watcher over you.] (An-Nisaa' 4:1)

American Muslim women

Since men and women both came from the same essence, they are equal in their humanity. Neither gender can be superior because it would be a contradiction of equality.

Civil Rights

A Muslim woman has the right to choose her husband and keeps her name after marriage.In Islam, a woman has the basic freedom of choice and expression based on the recognition of her individual personality. In Islam, women are encouraged to contribute their opinions and ideas. There are many examples in the Sunnah that indicate that women would pose questions directly to the Prophet and offer their opinions concerning religion, economics, and social matters.A Muslim woman's testimony is valid in legal disputes.

(A Muslim woman has the right to choose her

husband and keeps her name after marriage.)

Social Rights

Islam recognizes and fosters the natural differences between men and women despite their equality.The Muslim woman is in equal footing with man with regard to acquiring knowledge, whether religious or other. Both men and women have the capacity for learning and understanding. Since it is also their obligation to promote good behavior and condemn bad manners in all spheres of life, Muslim women must acquire the appropriate education to perform this duty in accordance with their own natural talents and interests.While looking after the home, providing support to the husband, and bearing, raising, and teaching the children are among the first and very highly regarded roles for a woman, if she has the skills to work outside the home for the good of the community, she may do so, as long as her family obligations are met.

(Islam recognizes and fosters the natural differences
between men and women despite their equality.)

Some types of work are more suitable for men and other types are more suitable for women. This in no way diminishes either's effort. Allah will reward both sexes equally for the value of their work, though it may not necessarily be the same activity.Concerning motherhood, a famous wisdom from the Islamic literature says, "Heaven lies under the feet of mothers."

This implies that the success of a society can be traced to the mothers who raised it. The first and greatest influence on a person comes from the sense of security, affection, and guidance received from the mother. Therefore, a woman who has children must be educated and conscientious in order to be a skillful parent.

(The right of women to select their leader and publicly
declare so has been established more than 1,400 years ago.)

Political Rights

One of the rights given to Muslim women by Allah, more than fourteen centuries ago, is the right to vote. A woman may voice her opinion on any public matter and participate in politics. The following is stated in the Qur'an,

[O Prophet, if believing women come unto you, taking oath of allegiance unto you that they will ascribe no thing as partner unto Allah and will neither steal nor commit adultery nor kill their children nor produce any lie that they have devised between their hands and feet nor disobey you in what is right, then accept their allegiance and ask Allah to forgive them. Lo, Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.] (Al-Mumtahanah 60:12)

It is derived from this verse that the right of women to select their leader and publicly declare so has been established more than 1,400 years ago. Likewise, Islam does not prohibit a woman from holding important positions in government.

Financial Rights

In the Qur'an, Almighty Allah says,
[And [I swear by] the creation of the male and the female.Your striving is surely (directed to) various (ends).](Al-Layl 92:3–4)

(The Muslim woman has the privilege to earn money and
the right to own property, to enter into legal contracts, etc.)

In these verses, Allah declares that He created men and women to be different, with unique roles, functions, and skills. As in a society where there is a division of labor, so too in a family — each member has different responsibilities. Generally, Islam upholds that women are entrusted with the role of nurturer and men with the role of guardian. Therefore, women are given the right of financial support. Almighty Allah states,

[Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property.] (An-Nisaa' 4:34)

This guardianship and greater financial responsibility given to men require that they provide women with not only monetary support but also physical protection and kind and respectful treatment.Allah tells us that men are guardians over women and are afforded the leadership in the family. The responsibility of the Muslim man for obeying Allah extends to guiding his family to obey Allah at all times. A wife's rights also extend beyond material needs. She has the right to kind treatment. The Prophet said,

"The most perfect believers are the best in conduct. And the best of you are those who are best to their wives." (At-Tirmidhi)

The Muslim woman has the privilege to earn money and the right to own property, to enter into legal contracts, and to manage all of her assets in any way she pleases. She can run her own business, and no one has any claim on her earnings, including her husband. Almighty Allah says,
[And do not covet that by which Allah has made some of you excel others; men shall have the benefit of what they earn, and women shall have the benefit of what they earn, and ask Allah of His grace; surely Allah knows all things.](An-Nisaa' 4:32)

In addition, a woman inherits from her relatives. Almighty Allah states,
[Men shall have a portion of what the parents and the near relatives leave, and women shall have a portion of what the parents and the near relatives leave, whether there is little or much of it — a stated portion.](An-Nisaa' 4:7)

Rights of a Wife

(Muslim wives have various rights that serve to foster

the love and security that come with marriage. )

Almighty Allah says,

[And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; surely there are signs in this for people who reflect.)(Ar-Rum 30:21)

Marriage is therefore not just a physical or emotional necessity, but in fact, it is a sign from Allah. It is a relationship of mutual rights and obligations based on divine guidance. Allah created men and women with complimentary natures, and in the Qur'an, He laid out a system of laws to support harmonious interaction between them.

Muslim wives have various rights that serve to foster the love and security that come with marriage. The first of a wife's rights is to receive mahr (dower). This is a gift from the husband that is part of the marriage contract and is required for the legality of the marriage.

The second right of a wife is maintenance. Regardless of any wealth a wife may have, her husband is obligated to provide her with food, shelter, and clothing. He is not forced, however, to spend beyond his capability, and his wife is not entitled to make unreasonable demands. In the Qur'an, Almighty Allah states,

[Let him who has abundance spend out of his abundance, and whoever has his means of subsistence straitened to him, let him spend out of that which Allah has given him. Allah does not lay on any soul a burden except to the extent of what He has granted it; Allah will bring about ease after difficulty.] (At-Talaq 65:7)

Duties of a Wife

(A wife is to keep her husband's secrets

and protect their marital privacy.)

With rights come responsibilities. Therefore, the Muslim wives have certain obligations toward their husbands. Almighty Allah says,

[Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) and guard in (the husbands') absence what Allah orders them to guard.] (An-Nisaa' 4:34)

A wife is to keep her husband's secrets and protect their marital privacy. Issues of intimacy or faults of his that would dishonor him are not to be shared by the wife, just as he is expected to guard her honor.

A wife must also guard her husband's property. She must safeguard his home and possessions — to the best of her ability — against theft or damage. She should wisely manage the household affairs so as to prevent loss or waste.

A Muslim woman must cooperate and coordinate with her husband. A husband also should not exploit his wife but should be considerate of her needs and happiness.

The Muslim woman was given — more than 1,400 years ago — a role, duties, and rights that most women do not enjoy today, even in the West. These are from Allah and are designed to keep balance in society. What may seem unjust or missing in one place is compensated for or explained in another place. Islam is a complete way of life.

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Excerpted with kind permission and some modifications from Khutbah Bank by Islam Online.

{ The works posted on this page reflect solely the opinions of the authors and are their own property }

Muhammed Shariq Khan Lucknow, INDIA

m.shariq_khan@yahoo.ca k.shariq@rediffmail.com k.shariq@hotmail.com

It's Time to Look in the Mirror

It's Time to Look in the Mirror

By Abdul-Lateef Abdullah

Forward By : http://www.shariqkhan.page.tl/

As Muslims, when we look in the mirror, what do we see? According to Allah (SWT), we should see a reflection of Rasulullah (SAW). ["In the Messenger of Allah, you have a good example to follow for him who hopes for (the meeting with Allah) and the Last Day, and remembers Allah much" (Holy Qur'an, 33:21). ] Prophet Muhammad (SAW) is supposed to be our mirror image - that which we are striving to be and the human criteria for us to judge ourselves by. In reality, however, how many of us actually see this beautiful person when we gaze into our mirrors?

In one fell swoop, after 9/11 Islam - the religion of truth and peace - became bastardized, and Muslim brothers and sisters throughout the West became the targets of hatred and violence. Islam became associated with these most heinous acts, these most un-Islamic notions, with the worst of mankind. In one fell swoop. Unfair? Perhaps. But whom do we have to blame? The anger being vented at Muslims in the west is the same anger that Muslims should have toward the murderers that crashed into those buildings. We should be the ones who are sad and so incensed.

We should be the ones who are putting together military forces to hunt them down and then dispense justice - Islamic justice - toward them. They attacked our religion - Allah's religion!

As unthinkable an attack as it was for all Americans, as Muslims, it was a direct assault on our entire way of life. All of the gains that American and other Muslims have made in the west (6 - 8 million Muslims in the U.S. alone; Islam is the fastest growing religion) to promote Islam through patience and hard work have been sabotaged, and we are all now on the defensive with many people questioning the basic values of our faith.

The people that did this in the name of Islam are hiding behind our religion to fulfill their own distorted and twisted agenda. The question for the rest of us is, "What now? How do we respond to this?"

Let's face it. The problem in the Muslim world today is the Muslims. Right now, the "enemies of Islam" are the people we see in the mirror. When we look in the mirror, we don't see Rasulullah - rather, what we see are the enemies of Islam.

Harsh? Well, let's look at this rationally. Despite the policies of the U.S. government and its corporate elite that have more or less economically, politically and/or culturally colonized the entire Muslim world, how many Muslims are truly practicing Islam? Despite all the mosques, all the Qur'ans lying around, all the turbans and kufis, how many of us are really following the Qur'an and obeying Allah?

Let's go back to basics for a second because that's really where the problem lies. How many Muslims in the world pray five times a day? And of those who do, how many pray in congregation? What about Fajr prayers and `Isha? Of those, how many pray with sincerity and concentration - in full awe of Allah's greatness? How many perform ablution correctly? When you consider all of these together, the figure is probably less than one percent of all Muslims, and this is only one aspect of the basics of Islam. Yet, despite this depressing reality about our Ummah, certain members of our community are quick to call for jihad, or label non-Muslims as the "enemies of Islam," or call other Muslims who may not follow their school of thought "kafir" (unbeliever). But what are we doing? Each and every one of us? And what about our families? And then, what about our communities? As an Ummah, we have strayed so far; yet, we still expect Allah to help us (which He often does in his infinite mercy despite the fact that we are not living up to our end of the contract). And we wonder why Allah allows our enemies victory over us?

I just recently heard a story of an Imam who gave a khutbah (Friday prayer sermon) in California about his experiences traveling to Palestine in the late 50's, prior to Israel's control of East Jerusalem. To his dismay, when he went to pray Dhur and `Asr salats at Al Aqsa, he said he could count on one hand the number of people in the congregation! This - the same Al Aqsa that so many Palestinians, many of them children, have died for.

The point of his khutbah was that we take what Allah has given us for granted. What good is Islam's third holiest site if it is not even being frequented by Muslims? And we wonder why Allah took the holy land from us!

When will we realize that Islam is not a religion of convenience? When will we stop acting like the Christians who believe that just because they are Christian, they are saved and forgiven, and that Allah will help them just because they call themselves Christian? Islam is not a privilege - it is a responsibility.

When will we truly heed Allah's word in the Qur'an when He says that He will not help a people until they help themselves? Why did Rasulullah (SAW), the companions, the scholars and the saints of Islam literally spend their entire lives and sacrifice so much to preach and demonstrate to us the correct way to live, and to provide us with all the knowledge and guidance we could ever need? So that we can disregard it - yet still claim to be the greatest Ummah ever and still expect Allah's mercy and help?

In the Battle of Uhud during the time of Rasulullah's (SAW) prophethood, it was apparent that the Muslims - despite being badly outnumbered by the Quraysh - were going to enjoy an easy victory. However, at the point of triumph, the unit of archers that the Prophet (SAW) had placed on Mount Ainain and entrusted with the task of rear-guarding the Muslim army fled their positions, as they wanted to take part in collecting the war booty that they saw their brethren starting to collect. They felt that the battle was over, despite strict orders from the Prophet not to leave their posts until he gave the word - "even if you see us being killed, left right and center."
Despite the urgings of several men, they went ahead - disobeying the Prophet's orders, thus disobeying Allah. The results, of course, were disastrous as the Muslims lost 70 mujahideen to the Quraysh's 24 men. They almost lost Madinah altogether - on account of that one instance of disobedience.

Despite their disobedience at Uhud, these men were of the highest caliber, bravery and iman, being Companions of the Prophet (SAW). If Allah granted them defeat because of one act of disobedience, how is it that we can expect success in our endeavors despite our failure to obey Allah in even the most basic aspects of Islam?

The answer to our problems is simple - forget all the complicated politics. The answer was given to us 1,400 years ago, and it is still the same as it has always been. Practice Islam. Just two words - practice Islam.

Don't follow our desires, our lusts, greed, or emotions… just practice Islam. This doesn't require a new movement, a new sect, a new organization, a lot of arguments over minutiae, or fancy jargon. It just requires humility and effort. Our individual and collective will in line with Allah's will. That's it.

Start praying - five times a day, each time as if it is our last prayer. Start paying zakat and acting charitably, just like Rasulullah (SAW). Start fasting, with consciousness of Allah. Start raising and teaching our children to be good Muslims, and to fear and love Allah more than anything else - regardless of what society might say.

Start reading and striving to understand the Qur'an. Start seeking knowledge. Start being kind and respectful to our wives, and following Rasulullah's (SAW) guidance as to how to treat one another. Start treating non-Muslims not as enemies, but as potential Muslims.

Start putting our egos aside and listening, asking questions, reading, taking an interest in our education and, ultimately, our fate. Start treating our neighbors in the way of Rasulullah (SAW), with kindness and respect. Start correcting our brothers and sisters when they are wrong in the best way, a way that will create change and not sew hatred. All in all, start practicing Islam.

Now, if all of us, or at least a good percentage of us, began to take these steps toward Allah - looking inwardly at ourselves and outwardly at those for whom we are responsible - what can we expect that Allah's response would be? Just as the Hadith says, if we walk toward Allah, He will run toward us. Many of us have experienced this individually, but what would happen if Muslims acted in such a way on a collective basis? One can only imagine, given an Ummah of over one billion followers. Details aside, we can be sure that some amazing things would happen - within ourselves, our communities, and throughout the entire world.

All of the horrible, un-Islamic, inhumane things happening in the world today are caused by illnesses of the heart. Although many of these things are not caused by Muslims, many unfortunately are. Regardless of who is to blame, the illnesses remain the same. Hearts are diseased, and disease likes company so people suffering from the same illnesses often act together in their attempts to bring down as many others as they can with them. The only solution, the only remedy is practicing Islam - not simply "being Muslim".
["But only he (will prosper) that brings to Allah a sound heart" (Holy Qur'an, 26:89). ]
Various groups (not to include those who are truly fighting to defend Muslims and their lands around the world) talk about the backwardness of their people to justify their efforts to establish Islamic states. In reality, however, Islam has to be practiced first in order to have an Islamic state. A true Islamic state is the reward from Allah for those who PRACTICE Islam. Did Allah not give the Prophet (SAW) and his companions Madinah as a reward for their patience, suffering and steadfastness in Makkah - when they were not even allowed to take up arms in self-defense?
As Muslims, we need to stop talking about what is due to us and start thinking about what is dues from us, and what and who we are responsible for.

We are responsible to Allah, first, for ourselves, and second, for the world. Thus, we cannot help the world figure out its mess until we clean up our own house, starting with each and every individual Muslim. We must begin the work of returning to Islam through practice. This is the only hope for us and, in effect, for the rest of Creation.

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{ The works posted on this page reflect solely the opinions of the authors and are their own property }
Muhammed Shariq Khan Lucknow, INDIA
m.shariq_khan@yahoo.ca k.shariq@rediffmail.com k.shariq@hotmail.com

Dating Problem

Dating Not Just A Non-Muslim Problem Anymore!
By Hwaa Ifan

Forward By : http://www.shariqkhan.page.tl/

Dating is a concern for all parents, regardless of religion, but even more so for Muslim parents these days. Adolescent hormonal changes are metaphorically like the illusion of individual personal freedom within non-Islamic societies. The late Mohammad Baqir as-Sadr argued that, "it does not have power over its will and is not in a position to control its existence for it did not liberate the inner content of man. Hence, the surrender to its desires and lusts under the banner of personal freedom. This move has contributed to its losing its freedom to those desires" (as-Sadr, p.4). This description is usually fitting for those who are not guided through their teenage years.

Currently, young Muslims - not wanting to make the same mistakes they witness in some of the examples around them - want to be more involved in their choices. But unfortunately, familiarity does not always protect one from the wrong choices. The problems that can arise are no longer confined, as has been argued, to non-Islamic societies.

In Iran, young girls stroll freely in brightly colored lipstick donning 'half-hijabs' - scarves worn to cover the hair. As a young woman put it, "they don't look very Muslim anymore." Rape, murder and prostitution are on the rise while Western pop music blares from cars and young couples hold hands in cafes. Ayatollah Mohammad Yazdi complained, "Girls and boys both like to show off their beauty" (Carnegie, p.1, 2). While premarital relations offer an opportunity to explore and gain experience, they also open the door to a misplaced notion of love that soon evaporates, often after it is too late.

A recent report in the Journal of the American Medical Association revealed that an increased number of girls are at risk of dating violence, pregnancy, substance abuse, risky sexual behavior, eating disorders and suicide!

Four thousand girls were surveyed in the Massachusetts Youth Risk Behavior Survey '97 and '99 and Dr. Jay G. Silverman of Harvard School of Public Health in Boston commented that, "tremendous numbers of young women suffer in silence, not telling anyone out of fear or shame or not wanting to lose the relationship. Even for those young victims who choose to speak out, there are very few specialized services" (Reuters Health, p.1, 2). Approximately 1 in 5 female students, 20.2% in '97 and 18% in '99, reported being physically and/or sexually abused by a boyfriend (Silverman, p.1). At the end of a 6-day Southern African Catholic Bishops' Conference (July 30) in Pretoria, participants expressed their pro-abstinence argument in a statement saying, "Apart from the possibility of condoms being faulty or wrongly used, they contribute to the breaking down of self-control and mutual trust" (RNS, p.1).

Since the 1960s, premarital sex has become a growing phenomenon - delaying marriage, playing a role in its breakdown and contributing towards the increase in dysfunctional families. Some are beginning to think again. An 18-month study of college women conducted for the Independent Women's Forum - by the Institute of American Values, investigated women's feelings about premarital relations. Out of the 1,062 college women involved in the study, 40% admitted to having premarital relations and 83% agreed with the statement "Being married is a very important goal for me." In addition, 63% agreed that, "I would like to meet my future husband in college" (Banks, p.1). It is apparent that young people still wish to be involved in a decision that would affect the rest of their lives. Additionally some do not see a conflict between the formal commitment of marriage and informal premarital relations.

The example of how best to involve the two people desiring marriage, while still protecting them from the ills of premarital relations, lies within Islam. It was through a business relationship that the widow Khadija knew of the good qualities and traits of the young Muhammad (saw) before his prophethood; and it wasn't until speaking on the issue of marriage with her close friend Nafisah that the young Muhammad (saw) became aware of Khadijah's interest, eventually resulting in a sound marriage (Geyoushi p. 48-49).

Another example is that of the daughter of the Prophet (saw), Fatima, and his cousin 'Ali ibn Abi Talib. In this union, the intermediary was Prophet Muhammad (saw) himself. The Prophet Muhammad (saw) believed that since Fatima would be the one to live with the prospective groom, her permission was essential. Not allowing her to voice her opinion would be a violation of her honor, degradation of her personality and disruption of her soul. It took the friendship of Saad ibn Ma'adh to persuade 'Ali ibn Abi Talib to approach the Prophet (saw) and subsequently the Prophet (saw) inquired of his daughter's feelings on the matter. Through Ali's knowledge and understanding of her qualities and traits in social settings, and vice versa, they formed a sound marriage. Their ability to judge objectively and not by emotions had only been nurtured by the Islamic teachings they grew up with (Ordoni, p. 113-118).

In neither of the two examples given were the two people involved ever alone together before marriage. However, it is always easier if those involved are from the same community. Thus, they have sufficient information beforehand by which to base a future life together. But as that luxury is not always available, it takes honesty and the right intentions of all those involved (family and friends) to make the most suitable match likely.

"And (as for) the believing men and the believing women, they are guardians of each other they enjoin good and forbid evil and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, and obey Allah and His Apostle; (as for) these, Allah will show mercy to them; surely Allah is Mighty: Wise" (Surat ul Baraat 9:71).

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Sources:As-Sadr, Muhammad, B. "The Concept of Freedom in Islam." al-Noor.2:14(1992)4-5.Banks, Adelle, M. "One-Third of College Women Are Virgins, Study Says." Religious News Service. 07/26/01. 1-2. News. Beliefnet.com. 08/06/01. Carnegie. Marc "Lipstick and Love, But Is It the End of Islamic Iran?" Iviews.com 06/07/01. Feature. 06/08/01.El-Geyoushi, Muhammad, I. "The Life of the Prophet." Britain: Alam Printing. 1988.Reuters Health. "Dating Violence against Teenage Girls Increases Health Risk Behaviors." Reuters Medical News. 07/31/01. RNS. "South African Bishops Condemn Condoms as Immoral and Misguided." Religious News Service. 07/30/01. 1-2. Beliefnet.com. 08/06/01. Silverman, Jay, G. "Dating Violence against Adolescent Girls & Associated Substance Use, Unhealthy Weight Control, Sexual Risk Behavior, Pregnancy and Suicidality." Journal of American Medical Association (JAMA). 08/05/01. 286:5(2001).

{ Views expressed by writer and are their own property }
Muhammed Shariq Khan Lucknow, INDIA
m.shariq_khan@yahoo.ca k.shariq@rediffmail.com k.shariq@hotmail.com

The Family Bed in Islam

The Family Bed in Islam

By Maria Hussain

Forward By : http://www.shariqkhan.page.tl/

The family bed is an aspect of traditional family life, which has largely become a thing of the past. Even Muslims have adopted the unnatural Western cultural practices of confining the baby to a separate room away from its parents and replacing breast-feeding with bottle-feeding. "Modern" parents try to put the baby to sleep in a crib away from human touch. The parents will then spend countless nights awake, coaxing their baby to sleep, only to have him wake up as soon as he is put down in the crib. In order that the baby will stop disturbing the parents' sleep, it is considered necessary for children to develop "independence" at an early age. That is why doctors in the West push parents to teach the baby to sleep through the night alone, which can only be done by teaching the baby that no one is available. The standard American baby handbook, What to Expect the First Year (Eisenberg) advises:

"If you can tolerate an hour or more of vigorous crying and screaming, don't go to the baby, soothe him, feed him, or talk to him when he wakes up in the middle of the night. Just let him cry until he's exhausted himself-and the possibility, in his mind, that he's going to get anywhere, or anyone, by crying-and has fallen back to sleep. The next night do the same; the crying will almost certainly last a shorter time…You may find that earplugs, the whir of the fan, or the hum of voices or music on the radio or TV can take the edge off the crying without blocking it out entirely. If you have an intercom from the baby's room, the magnified crying may be particularly grating. You can reduce that problem by turning it off when the crying starts. If baby is truly hysterical, you may hear him anyway. If you can't hear him at all, set a minute timer for twenty minutes. When the buzzer rings, turn the intercom back on to see if he's still at it. Repeat this every twenty minutes until the crying stops."

Is it any wonder that American youth feel alienated and depressed? Today's young people are characterized by a lack of connection with the home and family and a deep insecurity about whether they are loved. This feeling of distance from others is most likely something which started at infancy. If we gave our child the message since he was a baby that we are only available if and when it is convenient to us, who can blame them when they have problems later on in his life. If feels afraid and alone, it will not occur to him to ask his parents for advice, but he will instead turn to love substitutes and develop bad habits. Could you respect someone who sat by and knew you were crying and didn't try to help you solve the problem? As Muslims, we want to create a strong emotional bond with our children that will last into our old age, when we will become dependent upon our children to take care of us, as Islam demands. We definitely do not want to give our children the message that we were not available when they needed us. Some parental advocates are starting to wake up to the dangers of isolating a baby in this way. According to SIDS researcher James J. McKenna,

"Nighttime parent-infant co-sleeping during at least the first year of life is the universal, species-wide normative context for infant sleep, to which both parents and infants are biologically and psychosocially adapted…Solitary infant sleep is an exceedingly recent, novel, and alien experience for the human infant - a sensory - deprived microenvironment for which not all infants are equally prepared biologically."

Research reveals lower Sudden Infant Death (SID) rates in cultures where mothers sleep in close proximity to or in contact with their infants during the first year of life (Mothering, No. 62, Winter 92). Babies are less likely to mysteriously stop breathing when they are in close contact with another human being, especially the mother. This disproves the idea that the danger of rolling on top of one's baby and smothering them justifies depriving the child of your warmth. This tragedy occurs very rarely, and usually it involves parental use of drugs or alcohol putting the parent into a deep sleep. Under healthy circumstances, a mother is highly tuned into her baby even in sleep. She would be no more likely to roll over on top of her baby and not notice them struggling to squirm free than she would be likely to roll over and fall off the bed. Most infant smothering happens when a baby is laying face down in a thick quilt. Statistically, a baby is actually more likely to die when left alone in their crib where no one notices them. In the entire kingdom of nature, no mother sleeps away from her infant, leaving it defenseless against predators. All mammal babies sleep curled up next to their mothers, suckling sweetly. If a baby cries in the night, it is because they want their mama! Who can blame them? Close physical contact is also essential to the swift recovery of a premature infant. It is recommended for weak and small babies to be held skin to skin with a parent for several hours a day. This is called the "kangaroo hold" and can be done by keeping him in a sling under your shirt or jacket (leaving ample breathing room) during the day.

A Muslim mother is available to her child. A Muslim father is available to his child. We know that with parent-child attachment comes the emotional security that is necessary for developing a healthy inner self-confidence. The message we want to get across to our child is, "If you have a problem, come to me. If you are afraid, tell me about it. If you are lonely, I am here." We are not interested in cultivating independence before the child is ready for it.

The Holy Prophet prescribed separating the children in their beds by the age of ten:
"Order your children to observe Salat when they reach the age of seven and spank them for not observing it when they reach the age of ten, and arrange their beds (for sleeping) separately." (Abu Dawud)

This hadith implies that before the age of moral reason, small children are not required to sleep alone. Islam has no prohibitions against parents sleeping in the same bed with a small child. In practice, a Muslim baby should sleep with its parents, especially while they are still breastfeeding. Since the father is usually only home at night, being near the baby during sleep is beneficial to the bonding process. Sleeping with their mother also gives the baby the opportunity to nurse on demand, which is important for Muslim mothers wishing to complete the full term as prescribed by Allah.

"… His mother bears him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning takes two years - Be grateful to Me and to your parents." (Quran 31:14)

Compare the two situations: A child cries in the night. The mother pulls them to her breast, with both drifting back to sleep next to each other. And, a child cries in the night. Mother or father gets out of bed, warms a bottle, and brings it to the child. Parents take turns rocking the baby back to sleep, slowly put him down, and tiptoe away from the crib. Which couple got the most sleep? Experienced mothers know that an infant will sleep soundly through the night as long as they can smell their mother nearby and feel her warmth, and if they awaken hungry in the night, they will only cry for a second until the child finds the breast and nurses back to sleep. There is no stress on the mother, disturbing of the overworked father, getting up out of bed, or tears in the night. Sleeping with a small child gives them the security that you are there. As far as the baby is concerned, they are completely happy.

As a baby grows into a child, their need to be near others while they are sleeping does not go away. Those children who have been trained to sleep in their own beds will still find countless ways to disrupt their parents' sleep, requesting glasses of water, trips to the washroom, somebody to close the closet door, check under the bed for monsters, etc. I recall many nights in my own childhood lying awake in bed, obsessing and panicking about the concept of death and other heavy issues, but knowing I was not to disturb my parents. Patrick C. Friman, a clinical psychologist and director of clinical services for a boy's counseling center explains, "It's not pathological, it's not a disease, and it's common in industrialized cultures," where children usually sleep apart from parents (NJ Star-Ledger). Children come up with these ploys because they are frightened of how it feels to be alone, drifting into unconsciousness. Instead of engaging in power struggles with small children over intimate issues, parents can opt to allow the child back into their bed even if he/she has their own bed as long as they are under the age of reason. This differs according to each child. The hadith mentioned above points to 7 - 10 as a maximum age, although another hadith from Abu Dawud describes the age of reason as the time when a child can distinguish his right hand from his left.

Newlyweds, when planning your marital bedroom furniture, consider buying a king-sized futon to lie on the floor. That will serve you for years to come as a child-safe family bed, where the father will have room to snuggle with mother and baby rather than being banished to the couch, as often happens when new parents discover that the baby doesn't want to sleep in their crib and takes over the honeymoon bed. Even if you don't plan to have children immediately, a large bed is still a very comfortable sleeping option and it will save you time and effort in the future.

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Maria Hussain is a freelance writer from New Jersey.

{ Views expressed by writer and are their own property }

Muhammed Shariq Khan Lucknow, INDIA

m.shariq_khan@yahoo.ca k.shariq@rediffmail.com k.shariq@hotmail.com

Valentine Day

Valentine's Day Roots & Islamic View
By Islam Online Staff Feb 12, 2008

Forward By : http://www.shariqkhan.page.tl/

As Muslims, we are required to love one another and to wish and inculcate love among people regardless of their color, race, religion, or identity. However, this does not mean dissolving our identity or blindly copying and imitating others' traditions and practices.

The Origin of "Valentine Day"

or "Festival of Love" The Festival of Love was one of the festivals of the pagan Romans, when paganism was the prevalent religion of the Romans more than seventeen centuries ago. In the pagan Roman concept, it was an expression of "spiritual love".
There were myths associated with this pagan festival of the Romans, which persisted with their Christian heirs. Among the most famous of these myths was the Roman belief that Romulus, the founder of Rome, was suckled one day by a she-wolf, which gave him strength and wisdom.
The Romans used to celebrate this event in mid-February each year with a big festival. One of the rituals of this festival was the sacrifice of a dog and a goat. Two strong and muscular youths would daub the blood of the dog and goat onto their bodies, then they would wash the blood away with milk. After that there would be a great parade, with these two youths at its head, which would go about the streets. The two youths would have pieces of leather with which they would hit everyone who crossed their path. The Roman women would welcome these blows, because they believed that they could prevent or cure infertility.

The Connection Between Saint Valentine and This Festival
Saint Valentine is a name which is given to two of the ancient "martyrs" of the Christian Church. It was said that there were two of them, or that there was only one, who died in Rome as the result of the persecution of the Gothic leader Claudius, c. 296 CE. In 350 CE, a church was built in Rome on the site of the place where he died, to perpetuate his memory.
When the Romans embraced Christianity, they continued to celebrate the Feast of Love mentioned above, but they changed it from the pagan concept of "spiritual love" to another concept known as the "martyrs of love", represented by Saint Valentine who had advocated love and peace, for which cause he was martyred, according to their claims. It was also called the Feast of Lovers, and Saint Valentine was considered to be the patron saint of lovers.
One of their false beliefs connected with this festival was that the names of girls who had reached marriageable age would be written on small rolls of paper and placed in a dish on a table. Then the young men who wanted to get married would be called, and each of them would pick a piece of paper. He would put himself at the service of the girl whose name he had drawn for one year, so that they could find out about one another. Then they would get married, or they would repeat the same process again on the day of the festival in the following year.
The Christian clergy reacted against this tradition, which they considered to have a corrupting influence on the morals of young men and women. It was abolished in Italy, where it had been well-known, then it was revived in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, when in some western countries there appeared shops which sold small books called “Valentine’s books”, which contained love poems, from which the one who wanted to send a greeting to his sweetheart could choose. They also contained suggestions for writing love letters.
The Islamic View
Elaborating the Islamic stance on celebrating Valentine Day, Dr. Su`ad Ibrahim Salih, professor of Islamic Jurisprudence (Fiqh) at Al-Azhar University, says,
Indeed, Islam is the religion of altruism, true love, and cooperation on that which is good and righteous. We implore Allah Almighty to gather us together under the umbrella of His All-encompassing Mercy, and to unite us together as one man. Allah Almighty says: (The believers are naught else than brothers. Therefore make peace between your brethren and observe your duty to Allah that haply ye may obtain mercy.) (Al-Hujurat 49: 10)
I can say that there are forms of expressing love that are religiously acceptable, while there are others that are not religiously acceptable. Among the forms of acceptable love are those that include the love for Prophets and Messengers. It stands to reason that the love for Allah, and His Messenger Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) should have the top priority over all other forms of love.
Islam does also recognize happy occasions that bring people closer to one another, and add spice to their lives. However, Islam goes against blindly imitating the West regarding a special occasion such as Valentine’s Day.
Hence, commemorating that special day known as the Valentine's Day is an innovation or bid`ah that has no religious backing. Every innovation of that kind is rejected, as far as Islam is concerned. Islam requires all Muslims to love one another all over the whole year, and reducing the whole year to a single day is totally rejected.

We Muslims ought not to follow in the footsteps of such innovations and superstitions that are common in what is known as the Valentine's Day. No doubt that there are many irreligious practices that occur on that day, and those practices are capable of dissuading people from the true meanings of love and altruism to the extent that the celebration is reduced to a moral decline.

{ Views expressed by writer and are their own property }
Muhammed Shariq Khan Lucknow, INDIA
m.shariq_khan@yahoo.ca k.shariq@rediffmail.com k.shariq@hotmail.com